Owner of a Lonely Bart
by Simpcat
Summary: A new student arrives at Springfield Elementary School and is even more of a prankster than Bart. Meanwhile Homer wins 5,000 dollars in a contest.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Simpsons however i do own some of their DVDs.

**Owner of a Lonely Bart**

The Scene Opens with the school bus driving down the road and stopping in front of the Simpson's house to pick up Bart and Lisa.

Bart: Man, I can't believe were having school even with all of this fog.

Lisa: Relax Bart, since when has fog hurt us.

Bart: Hey Otto can you crash the bus on purpose or something so we don't have to go to school.

Otto: Sorry Bart but if I do that they may take my license away again.

Bart and Lisa sit by Milhouse and Janey respectively.

Bart: Hey Milhouse I have a prank of all pranks to end all pranks planned for today.

Milhouse: Well are you going to tell me about it or what?

Bart: No I figure I'll build up the suspense to eat you up inside. I'll tell you it will happen at 11am.

In Mrs.Krabappel's class

Mrs.K: Ok students we have a new student today. His name is Jay.

Jay: That's short for Jayson.

Mrs.K: Yes fascinating. Hopefully you treat him with more respect than you did than our last new student.

Nelson: Did they ever find the body?

Mrs.K: Yes Nelson because you beat him up so much he couldn't move at all. That's why you're under a criminal watch list.

Policeman: No talking to ladies.

Nelson: Well who can I talk to?

Policeman: I said no talking to ladies.

Nelson: But you're a guy.

Policeman: Don't make me show you.

At 11am Bart tells Mrs.K he has to go to the bathroom

Bart is walking down the hallway

Bart: They'll never see it coming.

Suddenly the school sprinklers go off and all the kids and teachers run out screaming because their all wet. Bart looks surprised. They all run out the doors.

Fire trucks arrive.

Moe: There's not even a fire here.

Apu: Perhaps we should start one to put it out.

Skinner: No there is no fire someone set the sprinklers to go off. Now this is a democracy and so everyone is innocent until proven guilty. (Gets to Bart) Except if you're Bart Simpson. (He grabs Bart and takes him to the principal's office)

Skinner: I don't know how you did it Simpson but you are going to serve detention until my pants go up to my neck.

Bart: But I didn't do it.

Skinner: Ha you think I fall for the oldest trick in the excuse book. See you after school and make sure your dog doesn't bite your hand this time.

(Bart looks extremely angry as he walks back to class)

Mrs.K: Well it looks like the homework is ruined.

(All the kids scream in happiness)

Milhouse: Thanks Bart now we can get some fresh air and enjoy Mother Nature after school.

Bart: I didn't do it. Milhouse I was framed.

Milhouse: If you didn't do it then who did.

(Jayson looks at them with a smirk and a vision of devil horns go above his head)

(At lunch Jayson and a bunch of kids sit next to Milhouse and Bart)

Bart: How did you get so many friends on your first day?

Jayson: Well I told them that I was the one who set the school sprinklers off and now they follow me around like teenage girls at a John Mayer concert.

Bart: That was you?

Jayson: Thanks for taking the fall for me.

Bart: Why you little.

(They start strangling each other and soon teachers break it up)

(They are both serving detention and writing on the chalkboard). Bart thinks about padding his chalk eraser together in Jayson's face but Jayson beats him to it. He laughs. Bart then scratches his fingernail on the chalkboard causing Skinner to come in.

Skinner: Hey the chalkboard is for writing on and then erasing and maybe an occasional love letter but not for scratching.

Bart: Its Jayson's fault he started it.

Jayson: No Bart started it.

Skinner: I don't care who started it just finish it. (Reads what they have been writing) Skinner is an hmm can't wait to see how that finishes.

Bart comes home late after dinner and Marge yells at him for being late.

Marge: Young Man I heard what you did and you will not get any Supper tonight.

Bart: But it was Jayson who did it.

Marge: Whose that an accomplice?

Bart: No the culprit.

Homer: Boy go up to your room and think about what you did.

(Bart murmurs on his way up to his room)

At Church the billboard says the best way to spend your Sundays when football is not on. Rev. Lovejoy is saying his usually boring sermon when suddenly a part of the church wall collapses.

Rev. Lovejoy: What the Heaven?

Inspectors are going through the church and find faulty wiring and broken Pipes. In the Basement they find Skeletons lying around.

Inspector: When's the last time this church has had a thorough inspection.

Lovejoy: I don't know I've only worked here since 1981. Why don't you ask the previous Reverend? (He points to a skeleton with a bible in his hands)

Inspector: I'm afraid that if you don't find some money and renovated this church then it will be torn down and made into a Strip Joint.

Flanders: How much will this cost?

Inspector: With all the death and destruction I'd say somewhere around 30,000 dollars.

Lovejoy: Oh Lord.

Inspector: I don't think he will help you right now.

Back at School Mrs.K puts Bart and Jayson on complete different sides of the room. They start yelling insults across the room from each other. Mrs.K can't take it and duct apes both of their mouths shut. Jayson has apparently tied a string around Bart's chair and then to his desk that connected all the way to where Jayson was sitting. When Bart opened his desk to get some books out Jayson pulled his string and crushed Bart's fingers and a muffled scream came out.

At Lunch

Bart: Milhouse where are you going?

Milhouse: I'm going to sit by Jayson he's so cool did you know he once peed on a teacher's desk.

Bart: What if I did that?

Milhouse: I would cite you for lack of creativity.

Bart: Now he's stolen my friends well this means War. (The bell rings) And that means time to go back to class.

Willie: (Alarm goes off) and that means time for Willie to spank me mule.

Homer is at home opening letters reading them as "bill, bill, bill, threatening letter, were coming to get you I bet you are (reads it) IRS. Hello what's this?

Homer: Marge now try to not to get too excited because it involves me and money but we just won 5000 dollars in a contest.

Marge: What kind of contest?

Homer: Bikini waxing why?

Marge: Did you participate?

Homer: No Moe did it for me he seemed so adamant to do it.

Marge: We should use it wisely.

Ned Flanders tells Lovejoy they need to run a fundraiser to raise the 30,000 for church repairs. At the Sunday service there are security guards standing in the aisles watching the offering going around. Anytime someone only puts in a few dollars the Security Guards point their guns at them and they put 100 dollar bills in.

Lovejoy: Now go with peace and remember to drop more money in the Holy Basket.

Flanders: It looks like we have 2500 dollars in here.

Marge: Rev. Lovejoy how much money needs to be raised to repair the church?

Lovejoy: 30,000 dollars.

Marge: Because Homer just won 5000 dollars and maybe I could get him to donate it.

Lovejoy: Just tell him it's for a holy cause and he should donate.

Later

Homer: Hell no.

Marge: Come on it's for the church and I don't want to change to one of those religions where you eat human hearts.

Homer: There's one of those in Springfield.

Lisa: Dad I don't go to your church anymore but you should donate. Once at our Buddhist temple our meditations were disturbed by Drunks outside the palace and we raised money to get soundproof windows. Now you can't even hear the vomit.

Homer: I'm sorry but all my life I've wanted some money and now my dream has come true and I don't want it to turn into a nightmare.

Jayson walks into school but when he gets to his locker a firecracker goes off. Bart Laughs and Jayson looks back at him with extreme vigilance. Bart tells Milhouse how cool does he think he is now at Lunch. Milhouse pulls off a mask to reveal Jayson and he tells Bart to watch for the unexpected. Bart looks at Skinner's whose Pants suddenly fall down. Bart looks relieved. Jayson tells him not that but something that will happen to him.

End of Act 1


	2. Chapter 2

Bart walks up to his locker and when he opens it he covers his face in anticipation of something happening but nothing does. Nelson is down the hall.

Nelson: HAHA you're scared to do anything.

Bart runs up to Jayson at lunch and demands to know when and how he's going to do something. Jayson tells Bart he can but it will cost him.

Bart: How Much?

Jayson: About 500 dollars. (He starts smoking a cigar)

Bart: (Thinks) 500 dollars I don't have that kind of money unless.

Skinner: Jayson no smoking on school grounds. Have you ever seen our school motto? (He points to a sign saying school motto: keep it outside)

Homer is making a checklist of things to use his 5000 dollars on. The checklist has buy Flanders Leftorium, send Flanders Family on a permanent bible retreat, offer to help Flanders move, and buy all of Flanders stuff.

Homer: Hmmm what else? Hey Marge how many cars do you think we can buy with 5000 dollars? (Bart runs up to Homer)

Bart: Dad you have 5000 dollars so you'll have no problem giving me 500 dollars right?

Homer: Why did you kill someone?

Bart: No, I need it for school.

Homer: What's going on in school?

Bart: It's this one kid he is bothering me.

Homer: Just talk to him and get to know him better.

Bart: That wouldn't work he's bullying me around.

Homer: I'm sure he's just insecure about himself.

Bart: He keeps picking on me.

Homer: Pick on him back.

Bart: I can't he's going to surprise me and play a prank on me at some point.

Homer: Don't worry he won't hurt you.

Bart: Dad he's a bully.

Homer: (Shocked) Bully, why didn't you say that before? Of course I'll give you the 500 dollars to help get rid of him. As soon as I get it.

Bart walks up to Jayson and tells him that he will have the 500 dollars as soon as his dad gets it.

Jayson: (Sounding like a mafia boss) Well you better or else (he smiles and jumps up scaring Bart) Capisce.

Bart: (Gulps) Yes.

Marge and Homer talk in the kitchen alone.

Marge: Homer please normally I wouldn't ask you to pay that much money for anything but this Sunday's services will be outside because they said the Church is not safe to be in anymore.

Homer: Don't worry what's the problem with having the service out in the beautiful outdoors.

At Sunday Service its thundering and pouring rain. Everybody is all soaking wet and cold. Homer, Marge, and Bart are all trying to wrap themselves up in blankets. Maggie is nice and warm hiding in Marge's hair.

Rev. Lovejoy: Jesus is punishing the ones who haven't paid towards helping rebuild our Church. Now lets all thank the lord for making this Beautiful day. (A big clap of thunder roars after he says that) (Homer starts to look like he may be changing his mind)

The doorbell rings at the Simpson's house and Marge answers it. Flanders, Rev. Lovejoy, and Helen are at the door. They said that they need 5000 dollars more and if Homer doesn't give the money to them that they will need to start going to Shelbyville Church. Marge lets them in.

Marge: Homer Rev. Lovejoy wants to talk to you.

Rev. Lovejoy: Homer we know how much money means to you. All were asking is for you to pay 5000 dollars so we can have a church again.

Marge: I don't want to have to drive 45 minutes to get to church.

Homer: Your right church is not worth 45 minutes.

Rev. Lovejoy: Were also willing to reimburse some of the money spent back to you when we get the church built.

Flanders: Please Homer do the honorable Christian thing and give the money to church so we can pray again.

Homer: (Giving in) Ok I'll do it.

Marge: I love you Homer.

Homer: Anything to get some.

Bart sits by himself at lunch because Milhouse thinks Jayson is cooler. Jayson starts throwing food at Bart. Bart walks up to Jayson and says he's going to have the money soon. Jayson said until he sees the money he going to pull pranks on him. Suddenly when Bart walks back to his table Jayson had a string tied from one table to the other and Bart couldn't see it so he trips and all the kids laugh at him.

Bart goes up to Homer and wonders when his money will get here. Homer tells him that he's going to give it to the church but he has some advice for Bart.

Bart: Really you have some advice.

Homer: Yeah. Go ask your Mother.

Bart: (Disappointed) Oh.

Bart goes up to his mother but she's busy helping Flanders out on how to design the new church and so he goes up to Lisa's Room for help.

Bart: Mom, Dad didn't help but I know you have first hand experience of being bullied and picked on.

Lisa: I could help you but you know maybe this will help you to know what its like to be bullied and picked on.

Bart: What are you saying?

Lisa: Maybe you stop being a prankster.

Bart: Nah that wouldn't happen.

Lisa: Anyway what I do is just start to ignore them and soon they go away.

Bart: Thanks that's great advice.

Bart walks into school and anytime he sees Jayson he just keeps walking and ignores him. At Lunch he ignores Jayson again. But Jayson walks up to him after school.

Jayson: The guys and I are ready to call a truce between us.

Bart: Really.

Jayson: Yeah we can't be enemies. Besides think of what we can do together.

Bart: You're right together we are an unstoppable prank force.

Bart and Jayson walk back to where Milhouse and the rest of the guys are at but Bart notices they all have water balloons.

Bart: Guys what's going on? (He gets attacked by the Water balloons and soaked)

Kids: Truce.

Jayson: Bart, you fell for one of the older tricks in the prank book don't trust the enemy. This isn't the end it's just the beginning. See you tomorrow same place same time. (Laughs)

Homer is sitting on his couch when the doorbell rings.

Homer: Its here. (He goes and opens the door)

Man: Are you Homer Simpson?

Homer: Yes.

Man: Well congratulations-

Homer: Yes.

Man: You have won-

Homer: Yes.

Man: a check for-

Homer: Yes.

Man: 5000 dollars.

Homer: Yes.

Man: (Starts laughing) just kidding smile you're on candid camera.

Homer: What.

Man: You haven't won any money.

Homer: But you sent me a letter saying that I won 5000 dollars.

Man: Yeah we really fooled you. Hope it wasn't too cruel of a joke to tease you winning money. (They all runaway quickly)

Homer: (Still not believing) (He runs outside) Wait come back I can change. (Moans) They're not coming back. (He closes the door but as soon as he does that the doorbell rings and the man with the check is back at his door)

Homer: Oh you came back I really did win.

Man: No I just dropped my pen in your house. (They quickly take off again)

End of Act 2


	3. Chapter 3

**Me: Hope this is still good because I kind of ran out of ideas at the end.**

Marge: It was all just a TV show?

Homer: Yeah (Cries) they hurt my feelings.

Marge: Don't worry we can figure out other ways to get that money.

At the Nuclear Power Plant we hear the crow caw and see Mr. Burns sitting at his desk when Smithers walks in.

Smithers: Sir there are some religious people here to see you.

Mr.Burns Groans

Smithers: Should I just dump toxic waste on them right away?

Mr. Burns: No send them in.

Rev. Lovejoy and Flanders walk in

Flanders: Mr. Burns we know your not a religious man but we are desperate and need money.

Rev. Lovejoy: If you have a heart you will see that it is the best thing to do is to give 5000 dollars.

Burns: You haven't heard the news, my heart hasn't worked in years. Besides 5000 dollars who do you think I am some kind of billionaire?

Flanders: We'll give you 24 hours to think about it.

Burns: Yeah right I know the answer now. You are dismissed. (he accidently hit the loudspeaker when he said this and every employee heard that and left thinking they could stop working) (Mr. Burns sees this) Oooh idiots.

Homer comes home from work at noon.

Marge: Homer what are you doing here all ready.

Homer: Mr. Burns dismissed us early I guess today was a half day. I can't believe i didn't have that on my calender.

He looks at his calender which has go to Moe's on every day.

Marge: Why did he let you out of work early?

Homer: I dunno teacher convention.

Marge: MMMMM.

Bart is sitting at school thinking about how he can get back at Jayson before he strikes again. He overhears Jayson talking to a friend.

Jayson: Your going to go to the bathroom in public. I think its disgusting going to the bathroom in public and my image would be ruined if i ever did.

Bart thinks

He goes to the springfield library for once and reads up a medical science and finds the perfect solution. He starts to laugh evilly.

Man: Are you done reading that book?

Bart: Sure why do you need it?

Man: I have very brittle bones. (he grabs the book but hears a bone crack) Thats the third time today. (he then notices that his arm is broken) Thats something new.

Bart goes to a pharmacy to get a laxative. The Clerk says he can't sell a laxative to a 10 year old kid but suddenly he hears a low rumble and Bart says it was his stomach he hasn't gone to the bathroom in days.

Clerk: Ok take it just wait till you get home because the last time somebody took it they didn't listen to me. It took us weeks to reopen the pharmacy.

Bart walks around school confident and runs into Milhouse. Milhouse starts talking about how cool Jayson is but Bart tells him he slipped something into Jayson's milk this morning. Bart shows Milhouse a laxative.

Jayson is running through the halls until Bart shows him the nearest bathroom which happens to be the girls bathroom. Jayson has to go so bad he doesn't even notice. After Jayson has relieved himself he walks out of the bathroom and a bunch of kids stand there and start to laugh.

Bart: All right.

Nelson: HAHA.

Its Sunday morning at the Simpsons and Marge wakes Homer and Bart up earlier than normal.

Bart: Mom why so early?

Marge: Because were going to Shelbyville church from now on until they get the money.

Bart: But there still having their outdoor services aren't they?

Marge: The weather is too unpredictable. Now lets go.

Bart: Can't we just skip church?

Homer: Yeah God would understand our situation.

They get into the car and drive towards shelbyville but have to drive through a bad neighborhood where they hear gunshots and screams. Then they drive down a badly kept up road. Then they finally get to Shelbyville Church and are relieved but then see the sign moved to the other side of the city. They have to drive through another bad neighborhood that looks similar to Springfield's bad neighborhood. They finally get to the church.

Homer: At least we won't have Flanders here.

Suddenly a man who looks a lot like Flanders walks up to Homer.

Man: Well Hi-diddily-i strangerino. My name is Ted Sanders. These are my two sons Don and Jon.

Don and Jon: Hi-diddly-i new memberinos.

Ted: Hope you don't mind but we pretty much are a religous family.

Homer: AHHHH.

Ted: Come on we'll save you seats by us.

Homer: AHHHH.

At school Jayson is sitting by himself on a bench. Bart walks up to him.

Bart: Hope there are no hard feelings between us. Now that i got you back maybe we can be friends. (He puts his hand out to shake)

Jayson: Since my image has been tarnished i feel the only way to regain it is to become friends with you.

Bart: How about it?

Jayson: Friends.

Bart: Friends. (Jayson goes to shake it but Bart pulls his hand away) Just kidding. Now Milhouse.

Milhouse throws water balloons at Jayson. Jayson gets really mad and has enough and starts fighting Bart and they roll around the school yard. They both roll into a tree with a bee hive on it and it falls on them and they get attacked by the bees.

Principal Skinner walks into the detention room.

Skinner: Its obvious that this school is not big enough for the two of you. Which one of you started the fight. (Both Bart and Jayson point to each other) I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but there was only one witness. (Milhouse comes in) Ok Milhouse who started the fight.

Milhouse can't say because he became friends with both of them.

Milhouse: I did.

Everybody looks shocked

Skinner: This is unexpected now we have a real mess here.

Jayson: Principal Skinner my Mom teaches at Shelbyville Elementery. She wants me to go there.

Skinner: Fine you can go there and as for you two (looks at Bart and Milhouse) Report to detention.

Bart and Milhouse are writing on the chalkboard.

Bart: Thanks for not telling on me.

Milhouse: No problem Bart were friends for life.

Bart: After were done here you want to egg Jayson's house.

Milhouse: Sounds like a deal.

On Sunday morning the Simpsons get up early to go to Shelbyville church but when they drive by their church they notice construction.

Marge: Rev. Lovejoy what happened.

Rev. Lovejoy: It was a miracle but we found some money buried in the rubble that the previous Reverand kept for emergencies.

Homer: Flanders I'm glad to see you.

Flanders: Well I'm gl-diddily-ad to see you too.

Homer: I actually found somebody worse than you.

Flanders: I guess that is nice to know.

Homer: (Murmurs to Bart) Don't worry we'll be finding a new church next Sunday.

Flanders: Why don't you sit next to my family.

Homer: I don't want to bother your family.

Flanders: You wouldn't bother us.

Later during the service Rev. Lovejoy is doing his sermon and Homer is snoring and drooling on Flanders. He then goes to cuddle up with Flanders thinking hes Marge. He then drools in the offering bucket.

Flanders: Go sit somewhere else, Homer.

The End.


End file.
